How many times have you thought: “I’ll put myself forward for partnership when I feel more confident”? Or “I’ll start leading that client meeting when I’m sure I know what I’m doing”?
Here’s the problem: you’re waiting for a feeling that only comes after you’ve done the thing, not before.
The confidence gap isn’t about what you’re capable of. It’s about the story you’re telling yourself about what you’re capable of. And that story is holding you back.
Talented professionals postpone their career progression for years because they don’t feel confident enough yet. Meanwhile, less technically brilliant colleagues stride ahead because they backed themselves before they felt ready.
The sequence isn’t confidence→action→results. It’s action→results→confidence. And understanding this changes everything.
In this episode, you’ll discover why waiting to feel ready is backwards thinking – and what to do instead.
In this episode you will learn:
- Why the sequence isn’t confidence→action→results, it’s actually action→results→confidence (and why this changes everything)
- The three lies the confidence gap tells you (and why “everyone else feels confident” is the biggest lie of all)
- The one question that cuts through all the confidence gap rubbish and tells you exactly what to do next
- A real example of someone who won £200k of work whilst feeling terrified (and how the confidence came afterwards, not before)
If you find this episode useful, don’t forget to like it and then subscribe so you don’t miss another episode.
What help is out there for you to progress your career in the professions?
If you’re thinking, ‘I understand this intellectually, but I genuinely struggle with self-belief and need help changing the story I’m telling myself’, our Progress To Partner Academy has resources specifically designed for this.
We have recorded masterclasses on overcoming imposter syndrome and changing your firm’s perception of you. Our on-demand course “How to Truly Commit to Moving Your Career Forward” includes modules on building the courage to take action even when you’re uncertain, with exercises that help you reframe your internal narrative.
If you’re unsure where to start, take our free Partnership Readiness Assessment. It takes 12 minutes and shows exactly which key indicators to focus on – often just knowing specifically what to work on helps close the confidence gap.
You can also listen to this episode on Substack and on Apple Podcasts
Hello, and welcome!
Let me ask you something. How many times have you thought to yourself: “I’ll put myself forward for partnership when I feel more confident”? Or “I’ll start leading that client meeting when I’m sure I know what I’m doing”? Or “I’ll have that conversation about my career progression when I feel ready”?
Here’s the problem: you’re waiting for a feeling that only comes after you’ve done the thing, not before.
I’ve watched talented professionals postpone their career progression for years because they don’t feel confident enough yet. Meanwhile, less technically brilliant colleagues stride ahead because they backed themselves before they felt ready.
The confidence gap isn’t about what you’re capable of. It’s about the story you’re telling yourself about what you’re capable of. And that story is holding you back.
This is the How to Make Partner podcast with me, Heather Townsend. The author of Poised for Partnership, and co-author of How to Make Partner and Still Have a Life. In this podcast, I will be highlighting some of the great stuff in our Progress To Partner Academy. New episodes are released weekly, so press subscribe so you never miss a new episode.
Right, let’s talk about the confidence gap and why waiting to feel ready is killing your partnership chances.
I had a conversation last month with a director at a top 50 law firm. Brilliant lawyer. Technically excellent. Great client relationships. She’d been told she was on the partnership track.
I asked her: “What’s stopping you from putting yourself forward this year?”
Her answer: “I just don’t feel confident enough yet. I need another year or two to really feel ready.”
So I asked her: “What would make you feel ready?”
Long pause. Then: “I’m not sure. I suppose I’d need to feel more confident about winning work. And more confident presenting to clients. And more confident managing difficult conversations with partners.”
Here’s the truth I told her: you’ll never feel confident about those things until you’ve done them repeatedly. Confidence isn’t the starting point. It’s the result.
The backwards thinking about confidence
Most professionals think the sequence goes like this: first you gain confidence, then you take action, then you get results.
But that’s backwards.
The actual sequence is: you take action, you get results (even small ones), and then you build confidence.
Every partner I’ve ever worked with will tell you the same thing: they didn’t feel ready when they made partner. They didn’t feel confident when they won their first major piece of work. They didn’t feel ready when they first led a client pitch. They did it anyway, learned from it, and the confidence came afterwards.
In Chapter 2 of Poised for Partnership, I talk about the mindset shift from employee to business owner. Part of that shift is understanding that you’ll spend your entire partnership career doing things before you feel ready. That’s the job. If you wait until you’re certain, you’ll never do anything that matters.
The three lies the confidence gap tells you
The confidence gap whispers three lies that keep you stuck. Let me expose them.
Lie number one: “Everyone else feels confident, so I must be behind.”
You look around at your peers and they seem assured, composed, ready. What you don’t see is that most of them are faking it. They’re as uncertain as you are. They’ve just decided to act despite the uncertainty rather than waiting for it to disappear.
One of the partners I work with told me something brilliant. He said when he was going through the partnership admissions process, he was convinced everyone else had it figured out. Then he made partner and discovered that everyone had been just as terrified and uncertain as he was. They’d just hidden it better.
Lie number two: “I need to know everything before I can proceed.”
You think you need complete mastery before you can step up. But partnership isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about knowing how to figure things out. Your partners don’t expect you to have all the answers. They expect you to know how to find the answers.
The professionals who wait until they know everything never put themselves forward. Because there’s always something else to learn, always another skill to master, always a reason to wait one more year. Meanwhile, the professionals who understand that partnership is about judgment, not omniscience, are moving ahead.
Lie number three: “If I don’t feel confident, I’ll come across as incompetent.”
This is the dangerous one. You think that if you don’t feel confident internally, it will show externally and damage your reputation.
But here’s what actually happens: when you take action despite not feeling confident, you come across as brave and proactive. When you wait until you feel confident, you come across as hesitant and risk-averse.
Guess which one looks more like partnership material?
Your partners aren’t looking for people who feel confident. They’re looking for people who can deliver results despite uncertainty. That’s what business ownership is. If you’re waiting to feel certain before you act, you’re demonstrating that you don’t understand what partnership actually requires.
So what do you do instead?
Stop asking yourself: “Do I feel confident enough to do this?”
Start asking yourself: “If I felt completely confident right now, what would I do differently?”
Would you put yourself forward for partnership this year instead of waiting another year? Would you lead that client meeting instead of deferring to your partner? Would you make those business development calls you’ve been putting off? Would you have that career conversation you’ve been avoiding?
Whatever your answer is, that’s what you need to do. This week. Not when you feel ready. Not when you feel more confident. This week.
Because the confidence you’re waiting for doesn’t arrive as a gift from the universe. It arrives as a consequence of doing the thing you’re afraid of doing.
Let me give you a concrete example. I worked with a managing associate who was terrified of pitching for work. Absolutely terrified. For two years, she avoided it. She told herself she needed to feel more confident first. She needed more preparation. More practice. More certainty.
Finally, a partner pushed her into pitching for a piece of work worth £200k. She was convinced she’d mess it up. She prepared obsessively. She barely slept the night before. She walked into that pitch feeling anything but confident.
She won the work.
Not because she felt confident, but because she’d prepared properly and delivered a solid pitch despite feeling terrified. And you know what happened? The next pitch was easier. Still uncomfortable, but easier. By the fifth pitch, she wasn’t terrified anymore. She still didn’t feel completely confident, but she felt capable. And that’s what matters.
The confidence came from doing the thing she was afraid of doing. Not before. After.
That’s how this works. Action first. Results second. Confidence third. Not the other way around.
If you’re waiting to feel ready before you put yourself forward for partnership, you’re going to be waiting forever. The professionals who make partner aren’t the ones who felt confident. They’re the ones who acted before they felt confident and figured it out as they went along.
Now, if you’re thinking, “I understand this intellectually, but I genuinely struggle with self-belief and I need help changing the story I’m telling myself,” our Progress To Partner Academy has resources specifically designed for this.
We have recorded masterclasses on topics like “How to change your firm’s perception of you when you are seen as just a safe pair of hands” and “Overcoming imposter syndrome on the partnership track.” These give you practical frameworks for building the mindset and presence you need to act before you feel ready.
Our on-demand course “How to Truly Commit to Moving Your Career Forward” includes modules specifically on building the courage to take action even when you’re uncertain. You’ll work through exercises that help you reframe your internal narrative and take the first steps despite not feeling completely ready.
If you’re unsure where to start, take our free Partnership Readiness Assessment. It takes about 12 minutes and gives you an instant report showing exactly which key indicators you need to focus on. Often, just knowing specifically what to work on helps close the confidence gap because you’re no longer facing a vague, overwhelming goal.
I’ve popped a link to the Partnership Readiness Assessment and our Progress To Partner Academy directly in the show notes for this episode. Also in the show notes, you’ll find links to my books – Poised for Partnership and How to Make Partner and Still Have a Life – so you can easily find them on Amazon. And as a thank you for listening, there’s also a link for a 10% discount on annual membership for our Progress To Partner Academy using the code PODCAST10.
That’s all for this episode of the How to Make Partner podcast. What’s your action for this week?
Answer this question honestly: If you felt completely confident right now, what would you do differently? Write down your answer. Then pick one thing from that list and do it this week. Not when you feel ready. This week.
The confidence will come from the doing, not before it.
If you have enjoyed this episode please leave us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or give us a comment on Substack. This helps us get the word out to others who may need this advice too.
Remember to hit subscribe so you don’t miss next week’s episode. Thanks for listening!
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Links
Complete my FREE Partnership Readiness Assessment – to see where you have gaps in your own development – you’ll get a personalised report with actions for what progress your career forward
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Join Progress To Partner Academy and use the code PODCAST10 to get 10% off 12 months of premium annual membership.
Buy your hard copy of Poised for Partnership or buy the Ebook here
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